Mission FAILED!

Oh my, I must be crazy. Seriously, what was I thinking? My fear of water does not go way because I learned to swim.
So I went to my class and for the first hour I was really trying hard to not freak out. I went under water did our simple exercises and would come back out of the water extremely relieve to still be alive. I kept telling myself, "Your ok and your doing GREAT Tasha". Keep in mind I WAS TELLING MYSELF. So finally it was time to move from the shallow to the deep end of the pool. I was fin for the first 5-10 min., but then 13 feet seemed a lot more like 100 feet to me and I sort of flipped out. Well I stared getting worried and tapped my instructor to say I am ready to go up for air. He tried really hard to calm me down and get me relaxed. He really is a great instructor and for a few minutes I did calm down. He had me looking at him and breathing slowly. Then he passed me on to Matt and whoa... Freak out time once again. I started breathing crazy and blowing bubble everywhere and so my instructor smacked me in the face. Well more like he hit my forehead with his palm of his and. It got my attention and I don't blame him one but. I needed something to distract me before I hurt myself. Well the instructor gave in to my demands of letting me go up to the top and I was so relieved. Then I burst into tears. Yes, very embarrassing. I was so disappointed in myself.
Anyway long story short. Mission to completely overcome fear of water.... FAILED. For now that is. I still got some crazy in me because I am going back tuesday to attempt it again. Maybe....
Well the good news is Matt did awesome. I am a little bummed because I really want to experience the whole swimming under water and living the life of a fish thing. But for those of you who have true phobias, I am guessing you know where I am coming from. I realize i is all in my mind, but man your mind can really cause you to think all sort of things. I know I was breathing totally fine under water. I did it for several minutes. But once my mind started running I swear no air was coming out of my mouth piece. I am so frustrated.
I will keep you updated on my mission to conquer my fear. Not that you care, but I feel better thinking you do ;)
Oh, and thanks Brandi for keeping all thoughts to yourself..... Ok I am totally calling you to see what the rest of your comment should have said. Dang you! Just Kidden.